The Cookie Incident

I'm fascinated by the ongoing saga of The Cookie Incident. This event involves my mom, Sharon, and her (formerly?) good friend Michael. It's an incident that is very much indicative of the difficulties humans have communicating.

For the full scoop on The Cookie Incident, please read Mom's blog. It's very interesting stuff.

Here's my take on what happened:

On April 24 of this year Mom was invited to her friend's apartment. He had some seemingly bogus excuse about wanting to borrow a stool. Upon reflection, Mom thought it was exceedingly odd that Michael would ask to borrow this stool -- he has plenty of chairs. She went up there, gave him the stool in question, and he offered her a cookie. Now what happened next is subject to interpretation, but I'll present it as I remember Mom reporting it the following morning. That report, if I recall correctly, stated that Michael offered her one of his homemade cookies. She wasn't eager to take him up on the offer. (Michael is a baker of dubious quality; I was once stuck with a piece of his rum cake, or fruit cake, or mincemeat, or something, and it was pretty godawful.) But Mom is as gracious a guest as she is a host, so she said yes. Michael explained something about it containing "seeds" from "Betty," but Mom didn't make the connection that Betty was Michael's pot connection ("dealer" seems too professional a term).

She ate some of the cookie, then got up to go. Michael made a point to remind her to "take your cookie." A while after Mom got home she realized she was stoned. Except it didn't feel like being stoned from smoking grass (something she's done a bit of in her time, though she's no stoner). She called Michael and said she was feeling really funny and he responded, "That's the idea."

Mom had a terrible night, tripping out on whatever was in the cookie. She still feels a detrimental effect from the incident, and her relationship with Michael has basically crumbled -- which is too bad considering he's one of the best people in her building.

Unless, that is, he maliciously dosed her.

But I don't think he did.

One of the problems here is that Betty is involved, and Betty is generally acknowledged to be a bad person. Betty's involvement -- she provided the weed that went in the cookie that caused Mom's bad trip -- casts a sinister light on the whole Incident. But I think Betty's a red herring. I think that Michael's mention of "seeds" (? -- every stoner knows seeds don't get you high, no matter whether you smoke them or eat them) and "Betty" (=pot supplier) proves that he wasn't trying to hide the marijuana content of his cookies. He may not have been communicating clearly, but he showed obvious intent to let Mom know there was marijuana in the cookies.

We should also remember that Mom doesn't hear too well.

Next, Michael acknowledged that feeling funny "was the idea." Were he purposefully gaslighting Mom, or otherwise trying to unbalance her, he would not have said that getting high was the idea behind eating the cookie. He would have feigned ignorance. "You're feeling funny, Sherry? That's odd, I wonder why?" He knows that Mom has had incidents of psychological distress in the past. If he'd been malicious, wouldn't he have professed utter ignorance of the cause of her freak-out?

I think so.

Mom seems to now be interpreting Michael's chilliness toward her as proof, or at least evidence, of his having conspired to bring her low. My take: he's freaked out by how freaked out she got.

I don't think there's a position of fault here. Mom got dosed, and it was a terrible experience. Michael miscommunicated in a way that caused his friend to freak out on him, and now he's gunshy. Given the fact that Michael is an ex-homeless guy who is used to living solo and has been burned by society more than once, I am not at all surprised that instead of offering a defense of his actions he has simply withdrawn into his shell.

But the fascinating thing about The Cookie Incident is that no one involved will likely ever know the full story. Once emotions rise to the levels that they have here, clear, reasonable communication becomes next to impossible.

It's a wonder human civilization has made it as far as it has.